A big Thank You to all who helped contribute to the creation and distribution of the print issue. The last few copies will be left in The Mad Hatter, which closes tomorrow.
Next week: Academics v. Athletics
The Print Issue: The Last Day — AND — What you can expect for next week
October 30, 2009
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The Print Issue: Day Four
October 29, 2009
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The Print Issue: Day Three
October 28, 2009There are five copies at the Cunningham’s smoke hut, ten at the Curry/Frazer smoke hut.
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The Print Issue: Day Two
October 27, 2009If you haven’t grabbed a copy of this week’s extra-special print issue, go snag one of the ten copies that have been left near the gigantic TV in Lancer Cafe.
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The Print Issue: Day One
October 26, 2009This week, possibly our favorite week of the year, we’ve put together a pamphlet that will be available at different spots around campus. It includes two stories, a swell interview, music suggestions for your Halloween party, a comic strip, and a sonnet!
Today, there are ten copies in the atrium of the Greenwood Library.
If you live outside Farmville and would like a copy, email us — longwoodhole@gmail.com — and we’ll mail you one.
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The Utilitarian Roomate
October 23, 2009
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Where not to dispense bodily fluids, and other miscellanea for your Thursday
October 22, 2009Remember: The SGA is hosting a Student Services Open Forum this evening at six in the Lankford Ballroom. Never have so many prominent members of the Longwood community been gathered together at one time. That’s a fact.
In Your Rotunda: These folks know how to grab you by the lapels and keep you reading. Here’s how they do it: begin with a word, a word the simpleton reader may not understand. Give the word’s definition. Proceed to lecture.
For example, here’s a word: irony. Definition: when a WMLU member, fresh from being issued an official reprimand on Sunday by her fellow board member, publishes an article in the Rotunda titled “Apathy IS a Problem.” The editors knew what they were doing when they filed this baby in the Entertainment section.
Is it possible to capture the essence of Longwood’s students and staff in a single photo?:
Yes!
UPDATE: We originally wrote that the WMLU member/Rotunda writer was “raked across the coals.” This was an exaggeration. Based on the descriptions of the Sunday night meeting, the proceedings were civil.
1 Comment | Awkward, Miscellanea, Newspaper, Politics, Uncategorized | Permalink
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When Investments Self-Destruct
October 21, 2009
Hello, again. Happy Campus Sustainability Day. I’m proud to be speaking at Longwood this afternoon, discussing the great green strides this school has achieved — efforts which have been made possible, for the most part, due to my largess.
In other news, my daughter tried to kill herself.
Kids — one minute they’re learning to walk, and the next minute they’re scarfing down a Tylenol parfait and sending you disturbing texts:
“i wnt u 2 no tht i <3 u … : )”
Jasmine sent that to her mother, who forwarded the message to me.
I admit, I’ve never been very good at understand this texting; I had to ask Gerald, my intern, to act as decoder.
“It says ‘I want you to know that I love you. Smiley face.’” Gerald said.
This may sound pedestrian enough — but I know from experience that any time Jasmine is texting smiley faces to her mother, you better look the hell out.
Luckily, Jasmine also posted a few of her fond farewells on Facebook, which her RA spotted. Jasmine was found in bathtub, slowly fading away, typing into her laptop with one hand and texting with the other. She was rushed to Southside, had her stomach pumped, and has been slated for release today, having suffered no permanent damage.
She seems to be a lot happier.
What about me, though? How am I supposed to feel that my daughter didn’t even bother to send me a farewell text? She could have at least CCed it to me!
“I was going to text you,” Jasmine said. ”I was going to text you after Mrs. Duncan.”
So. It seems that in my daughter’s absurd hierarchy, her middle school swimming coach ranks higher than myself.
That’s how I’ve come to this realization: furiously shoveling money onto an invest does not guarantee superlative dividends.
Just because I have provided Jasmine with an enviable life doesn’t mean that she will appreciate it. Kids don’t appreciate money; they appreciate human interaction.
Thus, from now on, I will be visiting my daughter every weekend. If I find myself in Irvine on Friday, I will jet back to Farmville in time for Saturday brunch. This may sound extreme, but I love my daughter: she is one investment I don’t want to see self-destruct.
Hope to see you around campus today.
Leave a Comment » | Awkward, J.A. Anders, Money, Parents, Ridiculousness | Permalink
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Pizza Guy
October 20, 2009Scene one: Wing Shack
Dude 1: These wings are so rad!
Dude 2: You only get ‘em like this at Wing Shack!
Pizza Guy: Everybody? May I have your attention? Those wings you are eating aren’t from Wing Shack. They’re from Pizza Hut.
Dude 1: Oh. Okay.
Dude 2: Ohhhh, I thought they tasted different.
Pizza Guy: Yeah, cause they’re from Pizza Hut, bitches! Aren’t you embarrassed?
Dude 1: Not really.
Dude 2: Life is rad.
Pizza Guy: Fuck.
Scene two: A wedding reception. People making toasts.
Father of the bride: …I’d like to say, right now, that I’ve never been so happy in my life, and I know that you two…
Pizza Guy: Excuse me, everyone, may I have your attention? Those appetizers you’re eating? They aren’t from some fancy catering service. They’re from Pizza Hut.
Father of the bride: Hey, sit down, buddy, I’m trying to give a speech.
Pizza Guy: I’m just saying. You’re a chump, man. A fucking chump. Look at you, you’re crying now.
Father of the bride: I’m crying because I’m so happy for my daughter.
Pizza Guy: Sure you are. Sure you are.
Scene three: Sunday morning mass
Priest: Upright is the word of the Lord, and all his works are trustworthy…
Pizza Guy: YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! THERE IS NO GOD! ONLY PIZZA HUT!
Scene four: An office
Boss: We’re going to have to let you go.
Pizza Guy: What? Why?
Boss: Because you’ve been promoting our restaurant without our permission. We only hired you to deliver pizzas.
Pizza Guy: This doesn’t make any…oh, wait, it does make sense. I know what you’re doing. You’re going to wait until I’m crying and then you’re going to tell me that I really am being promoted, not fired.
Boss: You’re fired.
Pizza Guy: Sure I am.
Boss: Security will escort you out.
Scene five: Pizza Hut. People are eating wings, everyone having a great time.
Pizza Guy: Excuse me, may I have your attention? Those wings you are eating? Do they taste good?
Dude One: They’re rad, man! Pizza Hut is the best!
Pizza Guy: Well, I have some interesting news. Those wings aren’t from Pizza Hut. In fact, they’re not wings at all.
Dude Two: Where are they from? This is the best boneless chicken I’ve ever had.
Pizza Guy: Yeah. They’re not made of chicken.
Dude One: Oh, fuck. I’m going to be sick.
Pizza Guy: VIVA LA PIZZA GUY!
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The Mad Hatter will close on October 31st
October 19, 2009
After serving Farmville’s art enthusiasts and music lovers for almost two years, The Mad Hatter – the big lime-green cinder block building at 208 N. South Street next to Macados — is shutting down.
Over the summer, business hours and employee hours were shortened.
Food and coffee is still being served, and the art on the ground level is being sold in silent auction format. No further live music has been scheduled.
It has not been announced where Tuesday trivia night will take place after October 31st.
5 Comments | Food, Happy trails, Money, Music | Permalink
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