Scene one: Wing Shack
Dude 1: These wings are so rad!
Dude 2: You only get ‘em like this at Wing Shack!
Pizza Guy: Everybody? May I have your attention? Those wings you are eating aren’t from Wing Shack. They’re from Pizza Hut.
Dude 1: Oh. Okay.
Dude 2: Ohhhh, I thought they tasted different.
Pizza Guy: Yeah, cause they’re from Pizza Hut, bitches! Aren’t you embarrassed?
Dude 1: Not really.
Dude 2: Life is rad.
Pizza Guy: Fuck.
Scene two: A wedding reception. People making toasts.
Father of the bride: …I’d like to say, right now, that I’ve never been so happy in my life, and I know that you two…
Pizza Guy: Excuse me, everyone, may I have your attention? Those appetizers you’re eating? They aren’t from some fancy catering service. They’re from Pizza Hut.
Father of the bride: Hey, sit down, buddy, I’m trying to give a speech.
Pizza Guy: I’m just saying. You’re a chump, man. A fucking chump. Look at you, you’re crying now.
Father of the bride: I’m crying because I’m so happy for my daughter.
Pizza Guy: Sure you are. Sure you are.
Scene three: Sunday morning mass
Priest: Upright is the word of the Lord, and all his works are trustworthy…
Pizza Guy: YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! THERE IS NO GOD! ONLY PIZZA HUT!
Scene four: An office
Boss: We’re going to have to let you go.
Pizza Guy: What? Why?
Boss: Because you’ve been promoting our restaurant without our permission. We only hired you to deliver pizzas.
Pizza Guy: This doesn’t make any…oh, wait, it does make sense. I know what you’re doing. You’re going to wait until I’m crying and then you’re going to tell me that I really am being promoted, not fired.
Boss: You’re fired.
Pizza Guy: Sure I am.
Boss: Security will escort you out.
Scene five: Pizza Hut. People are eating wings, everyone having a great time.
Pizza Guy: Excuse me, may I have your attention? Those wings you are eating? Do they taste good?
Dude One: They’re rad, man! Pizza Hut is the best!
Pizza Guy: Well, I have some interesting news. Those wings aren’t from Pizza Hut. In fact, they’re not wings at all.
Dude Two: Where are they from? This is the best boneless chicken I’ve ever had.
Pizza Guy: Yeah. They’re not made of chicken.
Dude One: Oh, fuck. I’m going to be sick.
Pizza Guy: VIVA LA PIZZA GUY!
