1. Always begin scholarly papers with an introduction. This is similar to the cover letter of a resume. It’s a chance for you to grab the attention of your professor and let him know why you deserve to pass his class. For example:
Dear Professor,
My name is John Doe. Enclosed is my research paper. Please accept it as an expression of my genuine interest in passing your class.
2. A thesis statement should happen. It is, by definition, the most ungainly, embarrassing sentence in your paper. You may think you have a solid thesis, but if, upon completion of your paper, you spot a sentence that clocks in at over one hundred words and uses at least seven clauses and/or appositives, turn that baby into your thesis.
3. There is a big difference between MLA and MIA citation. With MLA, all you must do is include in-text citation and a works cited page, whereas with MIA, All I want to do is [gunshots, cash register ring sounds] take your money/No one on the corner has swagga like us/Hit me on the banner prepaid wireless/We pack and deliver like UPS trucks/Already going hell just pumping that gas.
4. Semicolons: forget that they exist. Let’s try to limit the number of times your professor laughs out loud while grading your paper.
5. The final paragraph of your paper is like the end of an M. Night Shyamalan flick. It is this is the point where you reveal the one key fact that you have been carefully withholding since the beginning. If you can do it tastefully — fabulous. Tasteful or not, just get it finished.
and this…..is why you rock. one of the reasons, at least.
I definitely showed this to both of my 101 classes this morning – they got a pretty good kick out of it. Thanks!