This blog is now under new management. A full explanation to come on Monday. Have a blessed weekend!
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March 6, 2010Dearest readers,
Our office is under siege. A great blast this afternoon nearly knocked the front door from its hinges. Phone lines have been disconnected, cell phones are jammed, and we suspect our wireless connection — which we have been using illegally — will soon be disabled, too.
As we prepare for the imminent breach of our offices, shredding documents and stomping external hard drives, one thing does remain constant: our resolve to fight this war to the very bitter end! Indeed, we will deactivate this website before we let it fall into the hands of the enemy!
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
GLORIOUS WAR!
March 4, 2010
The LU Report fired back today. Good stuff, especially if your definition of good stuff is craven lies and somber elitism!
Let us not forget the words of Plato: “Only the dead have seen the end of blog wars.”
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Blog War
March 4, 2010
Yesterday, we discussed something that made us glad – The General getting the nod. Today, we’re going to discuss something that makes us both sad — and, also, very, very mad. We’re talking, of course, about The LU Report.
First of all, we’re entirely supportive of competition in the realm of Student-Run Blogs about Longwood. Except we’re not at all supportive. At all. The LU Report is stepping on our turf, and we are hereby publicly declaring a blog war against it.
Q: What about The Longwood Look? Does that not fall in the realm of Student-Run Longwood Blogs?
A: Yes, and we would certainly rumble with the ladies at the Look, were it not for the friendly ties maintained between their writers and our writers. Collectively, we all share a passion for writing and fashion. We are the best of friends. One of our interns will have an essay published on their blog.
Q: Is it possible to find a similar peace with the LU Report?
A: No.
Q: If you could ask three questions to the creator of the LU Report, what would they be?
A: “HOW DARE YOU? HOW DAAAAAAAAARE YOU? HOW — DARE — YOU?”
Q: What irks you so much about the LU Report?
A: In relation to our blog, it is a kissing cousin. An illegitimate, unclean, reputation-ruining kissing cousin.
Q: How do you mean?
A: To put in terms of Animal Farm, our blog is the pig Napoleon, stout and brave, where the LU Report is Moses, the evil raven spreading lies to the gullible animals about Sugarcandy Mountain.
Q: What are there big differences between these two blogs?
A: The Report uses Blogger, where we use WordPress. The Report’s content is strictly news and features, where our content is not.
Q: What are the similarities?
A: Mostly the format…
And maybe the email address: thelureport@gmail.com vs longwoodhole@gmail.com. But who can blame them for using Gmail? Let’s move on — we are starting to lose our anger.
Q: What is your first course of action?
A: A vigorous assault of pouting. We will be emailing The LU Report, demand that it be taken offline immediately. If they do not comply with our demands, we will increase pouting four-fold.
Q: How can I help in the war effort?
A: Become a contributor to the Longwood Hole. You ida wit’ us, or again’ us.
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Oh, hell yeah!: The General officially gets the nod
March 2, 2010
We’ll try to stop referring to him as The General, since he wants to come to Longwood not “as a general, but as a university president.“
Sounds like a plan. We’re sincerely excited, and wish our future president all the best. Tomorrow, we will begin batting around nickname ideas — leave your suggestions in comments section.
For now, we’re celebrating with our favorite movie.
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan will be Longwood’s next president
March 2, 2010
The rumor that a certain West Point Dean is encamped at the Hampton Inn in Farmville tonight is not the only reason we’re 10000000% certain that Patrick Finnegan will get the nod.
The contest has been his to lose ever since he appeared on campus and dominated the Open Forum. At that event, he came across as frank, prudent, and accessible to students.
He’s brainy, holding degrees from West Point, Harvard, and UVa. And he’s as fabulous as the day is long — he once flew to Southern California to offer unsolicited advice to the right-wing nut creator of 24. Finnegan was concerned that the show’s the depiction of torture during interrogation promoted “unethical and illegal behavior.” This earned a Finnegan a favorable mention in the New Yorker. Fabulous, indeed.
If there’s an institution that currently needs a leader with an eye for image and public perception, it’s Longwood University.
The Board of Visitors, the people who actually make the decision, seem to have cottoned to the General. Not only did they save him for last in the Open Forums, they also got his name right during the introduction, which is more than can be said for some candidates.
All told, people seem pretty excited about him:
Ye, he doth Pac Man the competition.
The formal announcement will be made tomorrow afternoon at the Blackwell Ballroom.
That is all.
***
…Okay, we can’t stop thinking about that scene in All the President’s Men when Ben Brandlee tells Woodward and Bernstein a story about how he had a scoop about LBJ looking for a new head of the FBI. President Johnson, just to spite Brantley, appointed Hoover head of the FBI for life.
We’re half expecting the BoV to announce that Cormier is appointed president for life, then to shout, “Call the Longwood Hole and tell them, ‘fuck you!’”
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
