Our friend from ODU came to visit this weekend.  At five in the afternoon on Sunday, we received this text:  

“Just woke up.  you longwood kids dont play around.”  

A study by the Roanoke Times concurs.  Longwood, according to an analysis conducted by the newspaper, has the third highest rate of alcohol violations, per capita, of all the colleges in Virginia.  We’re first among state schools.

Don’t chug that handle of Aristocrat and take to the streets in celebration just yet!  The article also details the Longwood University Police’s notorious hounding of alcohol violations.  The Longwood cops commented that they’re just trying to be “good neighbors.”  You know — the type of neighbors who arrest the shit out of everyone on the block.  

Nothing really interesting to be found in the police interview — until we got to the second-to-last paragraph:

“In addition, [Longwood University Police Chief] Beach monitors the buzz about parties and calls the hosts into his office beforehand to remind them of their responsibilities.”

Sooo…how does Chief Beach monitor the party buzz?  Is it consistent, reliable information, or does he just use Facebook?  Also — how the hell does he get the hosts to come to his office?  Does he track them down on his Segway?  In his dreams, perhaps.

In any event, we’re a bunch of sloppy fucking drunks who fall prey to excitable police.  As the article indicates, that’s probably the only reason we ranked so high.  So it’s all the cops’ fault, pretty much.  But — no sense dwelling on that!  Look at these D-Hall photos:

(photo credit: facebook.com)

photo credit: facebook.com