We’ll try to stop referring to him as The General, since he wants to come to Longwood not “as a general, but as a university president.“
Sounds like a plan. We’re sincerely excited, and wish our future president all the best. Tomorrow, we will begin batting around nickname ideas — leave your suggestions in comments section.
For now, we’re celebrating with our favorite movie.
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
The rumor that a certain West Point Dean is encamped at the Hampton Inn in Farmville tonight is not the only reason we’re 10000000% certain that Patrick Finnegan will get the nod.
The contest has been his to lose ever since he appeared on campus and dominated the Open Forum. At that event, he came across as frank, prudent, and accessible to students.
He’s brainy, holding degrees from West Point, Harvard, and UVa. And he’s as fabulous as the day is long — he once flew to Southern California to offer unsolicited advice to the right-wing nut creator of 24. Finnegan was concerned that the show’s the depiction of torture during interrogation promoted “unethical and illegal behavior.” This earned a Finnegan a favorable mention in the New Yorker. Fabulous, indeed.
If there’s an institution that currently needs a leader with an eye for image and public perception, it’s Longwood University.
The Board of Visitors, the people who actually make the decision, seem to have cottoned to the General. Not only did they save him for last in the Open Forums, they also got his name right during the introduction, which is more than can be said for some candidates.
All told, people seem pretty excited about him:
Ye, he doth Pac Man the competition.
The formal announcement will be made tomorrow afternoon at the Blackwell Ballroom.
That is all.
***
…Okay, we can’t stop thinking about that scene in All the President’s Men when Ben Brandlee tells Woodward and Bernstein a story about how he had a scoop about LBJ looking for a new head of the FBI. President Johnson, just to spite Brantley, appointed Hoover head of the FBI for life.
We’re half expecting the BoV to announce that Cormier is appointed president for life, then to shout, “Call the Longwood Hole and tell them, ‘fuck you!’”
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Yesterday we explained why the AAC’s proposal is a logical and necessary course of action for Longwood.
But we’re not about sitting around hemming and hawing and patting ourselves on the back. We’re proactive.
Today, we’re proud to introduce a new feature to The Longwood Hole. It’s a think tank, created with the sole purpose of generating and advocating money-making schemes to be used by Longwood University.
It is called Expedite Academic Resources Now!, or EARN!
Who are the members of EARN!? Dreamers, for the most part. A few idealists. A handful of business majors. All united in securing a stable financial future for Longwood.
So, without further introduction, let us take a look at EARN!’s first idea: sell ad space of the side of visual art.
Potential revenue: $2-3 million dollars, according to EARN!’s official estimate.
Why?: According to the values statement for the Longwood Center for the Visual Arts: “Art can inspire people to lead more hopeful, creative, and participatory lives within the community for the greater good.”
And, if strategically altered, art can also inspire people to buy shit. For example:
BEFORE: Memorial (Collapse), 2005
AFTER: A crusty baby head is turned into a tasteful ad for Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion!
There is some art on campus that simply begs to have sponsors:
Something's missing...
Perfect!
From Whence Cometh My Help? (2005)
Here's all the help you need, buddy!
EARN! will be presenting more of their ideas throughout the week.
1 Comment | EARN!, Money, Politics | Permalink
Posted by thelongwoodhole
Remember: The SGA is hosting a Student Services Open Forum this evening at six in the Lankford Ballroom. Never have so many prominent members of the Longwood community been gathered together at one time. That’s a fact.
In Your Rotunda: These folks know how to grab you by the lapels and keep you reading. Here’s how they do it: begin with a word, a word the simpleton reader may not understand. Give the word’s definition. Proceed to lecture.
For example, here’s a word: irony. Definition: when a WMLU member, fresh from being issued an official reprimand on Sunday by her fellow board member, publishes an article in the Rotunda titled “Apathy IS a Problem.” The editors knew what they were doing when they filed this baby in the Entertainment section.
Is it possible to capture the essence of Longwood’s students and staff in a single photo?:
Yes!
UPDATE: We originally wrote that the WMLU member/Rotunda writer was “raked across the coals.” This was an exaggeration. Based on the descriptions of the Sunday night meeting, the proceedings were civil.
1 Comment | Awkward, Miscellanea, Newspaper, Politics, Uncategorized | Permalink
Posted by thelongwoodhole
According to an email from Cam Patterson, tomorrow afternoon at six the SGA will host an extra special Student Services Open Forum in the Lankford Ballroom.
Patterson wrote:
This will be a [sic] opportunity for students to share their thoughts/concerns on key areas of student life. The following offices will be represented at this forum
• Dr. Richard Chassey – Honor and Judicial Affairs
• Chief Bob Beach – Campus Police and Public Safety
• Doug Howell – Residential and Commuter Life
• Grant Avent – Dining Services
• Dr. Tim Pierson – Administration and Everything Else
Sounds like something worth attending. We’re already scribbling down a list of grievances.
First on the list: Bob Beach, why won’t you accept our friend request on Facebook?
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Mall Brawl: Officially, “Longwoodstock” will occur this Saturday. But if anything ever resembled the hastily organized 1969 gathering of freaks, it is Friday’s Battle of the Bands at the Lankford Mall, sponsored, as always, by the squirrelly freak-fest that is WMLU. They have a behemoth of a show lined up. From four to ten PM you’ll be able to hear thirteen bands, twice what Mortar Board is offering on Saturday. All the bands have at least one member affiliated with Longwood. Two bands will get cash prizes while the others, like most of the bands at ’69 Woodstock, will get nothing.
Here’s the schedule:
B.C.’s Pickup ———– 4:00pm
Arch Stanton ———– 4:30pm
Jackie Stem ———— 5:00pm
Big Fresh Meat ———– 5:30pm
Juice Mouse ————- 6:00pm
Sonic Skandal ———— 6:30pm
Go Indigo ————– 7:00pm
Thine Heart ————- 7:30pm
Hell City Sinners ——— 8:00pm
Dream Atlantic ——— 8:30pm
I Am the Kid ———— 9:00pm
Black Raptor Hoedown – 9:30pm
One Ambition ———– 10:00pm
Military Intellijanks: A Longwood Professor will soon be publishing a report that examines the U.S. military’s bad habit of selling old computers without erasing sensitive information.
Cut…!: That tour de force of college promotion, LU uncut!, has been removed from the Longwood home page. We knew it would happen one day…but this was too soon. It was only three years old! It had so much potential. It’s all too sudden. We never had time to say goodbye.
Master Plan: If you haven’t seen Vision 2020: The Longwood University Campus Master Plan video, check it out here.
Reminder: We’re now accepting artwork submissions. Photos, sketches, paintings, Paint and iPhone doodles, comic strips, etc. Submissions do not have to pertain to Longwood.
Leave a Comment » | Miscellanea, Money, Music, Oktoberfest, Politics, Professors, Technology | Permalink
Posted by thelongwoodhole
Yesterday was convocation, that hallowed time when seniors put on graduation robes and sit in Jarman to hear a keynote speaker describe how they are the future of our nation are gluttonous consumers poisoning our planet and leading to the quick death of humanity.
"I DO NOT ENTERTAIN!!! I DO NOT ENTERTAIN!!!!"
Kudos to anthro professor Walter R. T. Witschey for not giving a boring speech about sustainability. What he gave was a very angry speech about sustainability – grinding a big ole axe against the graduating class for their consumption. We’re sure he didn’t plan to get steamed, but going to the lectern and staring out at a cretinous congregation of double-chinned sororiety girls is enough to make any tweedy professor loose his shit.
And how! At one point, Witschey used the Mayan civilization as an example of why we should protect the environment. We were puzzled. What, exactly, does the ficticious civilization of a 2006 Mel Gibson flick have to do with sustainability? Maybe he was thinking of Mad Max.
Anyway, we were just about to create a Facebook group for Witschey when received these photos.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Our advise to anyone else who wants to badger the student body about sustainability: drink from the water fountain. Because we all know how terrible those empty bottles are to the environment, right? Isn’t that what killed the Mayans?
2 Comments | Awkward, Hypocrites, Politics, Professors, Ridiculousness | Permalink
Posted by thelongwoodhole
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The book is Plainsong, by Kent Haruf, who came to Longwood during the Fall 2007 semester to recieve the prize. We remember him as gracious and quite humble about his huge literary reputation. We also read the book…sort of. It was…about this guy in Colorado…who…uh…was going to Las Vegas to cover this motorcycle race…yeah, that’s it. Oh-oh-oh! It had this killer opening line: “Here was this man Tom Guthrie in Holt with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine and a whole multicolored collection of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers, looking over the back lot where the sun was just coming up.”
Below are some of our favorite photos of Haruf. For the rest of Obama’s reading list, go here.
The Freewheeling Kent Haruf
2007 speech at Wygal Auditorium
A very stoned Kent Haruf
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
Because of an April court case in VA beach , the town of Farmville no longer enforces its draconian noise ordinance. While the town code does not reflect these changes, a phone call to the police department confirmed that, indeed, Farmville 5-0 will no longer be handing out tickets if you drive down Main Street listening to rap music.
So for the celebration, we’re thinking a convoy down Main Street, like they do in the music video for Still Dre. And we’re inviting this guy. And this guy.
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Posted by thelongwoodhole
