We were walking through the snow in Farmville this Sunday when,  at 2:03 PM, we heard from all directions an animal howl:

“A!@#!@#TXCVE%Y%^UTNBVGW@$@EFVVS%^$&$%^&@!!@#!@#!@~!@GC X!!!!!”

It came from dorms and apartments, campus facilities and professors’ houses.  It was the sound of those who had just read the email from Time Pierson that said, despite the ten inches of snow, February 1st, 2o10, would be business as usual on campus.

At 5:08, Pierson sent another email, this time to announce a two-hour delay, which cured another volley of animal howls — and Facebook rants:

“why are we having class at all tomorrow? the roads are still a death trap and i’m sure campus is an icy mess too… this is so stupid, the delay isn’t going to do any good. They need to get people really plowing everything tomorrow so that we don’t have to break our necks to be bored in a class room all day.”

“{…}everyone should friend Tim Pierson on facebook and tell him how we really feel. I seriously hope someone sues the crap out of Longwood!!”

“gotta be fuckin kiddin me…if u walk to class shouldn’t be too bad, but trying to park/find parking in all of this shit is gonna be hell.”

“really Longwood, REALLY!”

“WTF LONGWOOD??? Above freezing during the day + wwwayyy below freezing during the night = SHEETS OF ICE IN THE MORNING, YOU IDIOTS!!! Aaaannndd plows mean absolutely no chance of parking. GREAT!”

What these students fail to remember is that Longwood has a grand tradition of offering the finest liberal arts education — even during the most difficult of times.

To the archives!

April, 1865:  “NOTICE:  It has come to our attention that The Army of Northern Virginia will be marching through Farmville, followed thereafter by the pursuing Union forces.  Thus, Longwood will operate on a two hour delay. Please give yourself additional time to arrive on campus so as not to be trampled, raped, kidnapped, murdered, or robbed.”

October, 1895:  “NOTICE:  Due to a pagan ritual gone awry, an active volcano has sprouted outside of the Cunningham dorms.  All classes, activities and services will open at normally scheduled hours. However, please give yourself additional time to arrive on campus.  Do not touch or play in the hot lava.  While sublimely beautiful, it is quite lethal, as two students have already demonstrated.  We appreciate your cooperation as we work to send this volcano back into the ground.”

February, 1918:  “NOTICE:  Classes will NOT be canceled because of the so-called flu pandemic. We have received information from the department of health that this is the Spanish Flu.  Last time we checked, Longwood University is in Virginia.  Not Spain.  Nice try, though.”

March, 1952:  “NOTICE:  Polio is no excuse to miss class. Did it ever stop FDR from accomplishing great things?  No.”

April, 1965:  “NOTICE:  Due to April showers that have caused significant flooding around campus, we May operate on a two hour delay for the next week.  Notice the emphasis on may.  However, until otherwise stated, all classes, activities and services will open at normally scheduled hours. “

MAY, 1974:  “Did you hear that there’s a hail storm of unprecedented proportions scheduled to hit Farmville this Monday?  We didn’t, either.“

April, 2001:  “It has come to our attention that Ruffner has burned down.  We understand if you are unable to take you exam, and all students will recieve passing grades in classes that — HAHAHAHAHAHAH just kidding.  All classes, activites and services will open at normally scheduled hours.“