We just saw The Bail, the first time in a while.  Although he was bright-eyed and happy to see us, we couldn’t help but notice the limp in his step — and plus his head wasn’t as freshly shaven as normal, and he was wearing a homemade bandage over his right hand.

There was story behind this:

When I left the bar last night, my car wouldn’t unlock.  It was like someone had gone and put gunk or something in the keyhole so it wouldn’t turn properly.  I was so mad.  It kept making this grinding noise when I turned the key.  I had a spare key in my wallet, but of course that one didn’t work, either!

So I went back into the bar and I screamed WHO THE FUCK PUT GUNK IN MY KEYHOLE?  No one had any answers.  They just looked at me.  I went to the dining area and I saw this guy sweeping the floor.  I could tell he was trying to avoid eye contact.  He had a guilty look.  No one ever sweeps the floor with that much concentration.  So I went up to him and I said HEY MOTHERFUCKER — WAS IT YOU?   He said he didn’t know what I was talking about, and he went back to sweeping the floor. That made me even angrier!  So I grabbed his broom and yelled and said PAY ATTENTION TO ME, YOU LITTLE LYING MOTHERFUCKER.  I tried to split the broom in half, but it was pretty thick and plus I didn’t pick the right spot.  I hurt my knee pretty bad.   I howled, and then I chucked that fucking broom across the room.  It pierced the drywall like it was a spear!  I did not expect that.  That was pretty cool.

I went back outside and tried to unlock my car.  Still no luck.  So I took off my t-shirt, wrapped it around my hand, and punched a hole in the window.  Now, finally inside my car, you’d think all would be well.  But it wasn’t.  Someone had put gunk in the ignition as well!  I couldn’t turn my car on!

What made it even more infuriating was how sloppy they had  been.  There was a bottle of water in the cup holder that wasn’t mine.  There were some CDs that I didn’t recognize — they even left some of their clothes in my car!  The fuckers!  They had even smoked in my car!  It smelled like cigarettes!

I ended up walking home.  I kept taking breaks because my knee hurt like a bitch and I was really dizzy and also I must have cut a vein or something in my hand because it wouldn’t stop bleeding.  Somewhere along the way I crawled under some bushes and decided to take a rest.  And that’s where I woke up early this morning.  I’m lucky no one found me, cause I’d left this drippy trail of blood on the sidewalk that led right to the bushes!  There were some ants on the sidewalk that were eating some of it –  that sort of grossed me out.

But that’s not even the most fucked up part.  By far, the most fucked up part is that when I got to my house, there sat my car in the driveway.  My key worked!   The inside smelled like cinnamon again!   And the hole I had punched in the window was gone!

I was just walking to class, and I saw him, the dude who had been holding the broom at the bar.  I said hey and I was going to ask him how he fixed everything so quickly — but he ran the other way.

Oh, well.  Guess that will teach him to put gunk in my car’s keyhole.