Okay –  as the title of this post may suggest, for this Valentine’s Day weekend, we posed a few questions to Megan and Jenni of the Longwood Look.

One quick preface:  We may have just kinda rushed one of them to hurry up and finish her answers so we could get it all on the blog by Friday.  BAD IDEA.  We may have pissed her off:

The Longwood Hole:  A wise Italian-American philosopher recently offered this sage romance advice: “Jacuzzi, bedroom, take of business.” What role, if any, does the Jacuzzi play in Valentine’s Day?

Megan:  Obviously it plays a huge role in the whole Valentine’s Day experience. Especially if you’re obnoxious.

Jenni:  Read a romance novel, because I don’t know.

TLH:  Besides forgetting the holiday entirely, what are some cliches and pitfalls you feel should be avoided on Valentine’s Day?

M: I think that getting worked up in general about Valentine’s Day is something that can and should be avoided. Maybe it’s not cliche, but it’s definitely a pitfall. People miss the point when they’re so busy worrying about presents and dinner reservations.

J: Maybe handing out condoms to nuns, or something equally insensitive.

TLH:  Are dried roses fashionable, especially if one is not an indie-puke?

M: Dried roses… I’m going to say no. I sort of like putting a few petals here and there in my favorite books, though. But, like pet goldfish and tissues, whole bouquets of roses are probably better thrown out when you’re done with them.

J: Martha Stewart seems to think so, and we all know how she turned out.

TLH: Should the amount of money your man spends on Valentine’s Day be proportionate to the amount of money he has available? Or should all guys spend a certain amount, regardless of the cash their diddy gives them?

M: I think that the man should spend as much as the woman does. Or, if he buys you flowers, you make him dinner. I realize that I sort of just went there with gender roles, but I really love to cook. Maybe if he buys you flowers, then you can buy him dinner. Yeah.

J: The money spent on Valentine’s Day should include your entire winnings earned in the Cash Cab.

TLH: Hypothetical situation: your current boyfriend gives you a lengthy, obviously painstakingly constructed love poem. It sucks. How much street cred has your boyfriend lost, or, perhaps, gained?

M: Not only is he losing street cred, he’s getting dumped. Men who write poetry–yes. Long-winded men who write bad poetry–never again.

J: Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Your poetry sucks,
So I’m breaking up with you.

TLH:  What must singletons do on Valentine’s Day to avoid suicidal impulses?

M: Oh, those bitter single people on Valentine’s Day. You can’t help but worry about them, right? Well this year they need to get over it. No one’s going to want to take you out if you’re so busy crying all the time.

J: Try to find another outlet for their impulses, like shopping.

TLH:  Most romantic song released in the past twelve months?

M: I’m going to go with “Bedrock” by Lil’ Wayne. Obviously.

J: “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga. I don’t care how much you ‘hate’ Lady Gaga. She’s right.

TLH:  What is your Valentine’s Day horror story? The more brutal, the better!

M: Well, at the time it didn’t seem so horrific, but I look back now and think, “Holy shit, I was 17 years old.” My boyfriend at the time (who was older so he had no excuse) gave me a dozen or two dozen roses with a fake one in the middle and that note that you read about that says, “I’ll love you till the last flower dies.” Boy, he sure cried when we broke up.

J: I had been seeing someone casually for a few weeks back in my senior year of high school, but I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, so I let him know. His response? “This is worse than when Ronald Reagan died.” Best decision ever? Yes.